


Atmiņa

by Queerking



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Amnesia, Barebacking, First Time, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Memory Gain, Sex, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-16 01:40:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1327030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queerking/pseuds/Queerking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post season 8. Castiel loses something when he falls from heaven.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The first thing that comes is pain. It's a throbbing in the back of the head. Then the ache in the back. 

Two things are assessed. He is male and he is injured. 

When he opens his eyes he slams them shut. Too much. He then is aware of voices and sounds. There's a rustle sound and a low sound that pauses and then picks back up again.

A tree and a person.

Without opening his eyes, He asks, "Where... Who are you?" His voice sounds grating and raspy.

The low voice rumbles and then the crunching of twigs is present. "You up?" 

"Yes.. I.. Who are you?" He asks again. 

"Name's Marv. I got your friend Dean on the phone. I looked through your contacts and he was the first of few there. Want to talk to him?" Marv asks.

He opens his eyes and is met with a large male. His facial hair is long and grey and covers his mouth. Familiar, yet the hair is too long. 

A thought of a man in a wheel chair and a hat passes through his head. Who is that? 

Marv holds his phone out to him. "He wants to speak with ya." 

"Um.." he doesn't know what to say really. Apparently this Dean is a friend? A lover? A relative? An enemy? 

"Cas?" A rough voice asks through the device. 

"Is.. is that me?" He asks. It hadn't occured to him he had a name as well. He is this Cas then.

"What? Of course that's you. What's going on?" Dean demands. 

"I don't know. I don't really know what's going on. I only just learned my name." Cas answers. 

"Cas.. Who am I?" Dean asks. 

"You are Dean." He states. 

"And Sam?"

"Who's Sam?" 

"Oh fucking.. Do you know who Crowley is?" Dean asks. He sounds irritated. 

"Who is..? No I don't. I don't know anyone. I don't know why my head hurts or where I am or why I'm here, Dean. I don't know." He's getting frustrated. Why doesn't this man understand? He doesn't know anything.

"Calm down. I'm sorry alright? It's just.. Okay, my name is Dean Winchester and I have a brother named Sam. Your name is Castiel. Now I need you to give the phone back to Marv, alright? He's gonna take you here." Dean says carefully. 

"Okay. Thank you. I'm sorry for my impatience."

"It's alright, Cas." 

Castiel hands the phone back to Marv. The man nods and puts the phone to his ear. He takes in his surroundings. Castiel is sitting in a car. It smells of oil and musk. It doesn't smell quite right, it's missing something. And it looks differently than he's used to. The one he's used to is closer to the ground, it smells of a fresher leather and a stronger oil while the musk is a bit sweeter.

"Alright. We're on the way to meet your friend. Strange guy. Nice, but strange." Marv climbed into the seat of the truck. 

Castiel nodded and looked out the window. Out ahead was a road and they were surround by trees. It was light outside but he didn't know if it was late or early. 

"So what were you doing out here if you don't mind me asking. Found you on the side of the road there passed out." The man asks. Castiel doesn't know. He doesn't know if he should tell the man that he can't remember anything. Though he doesn't really see a reason why not. 

"I don't know. I woke up and I can't remember anything." He says. 

"Ah, bad night? I understand, I fought with my baby girl, Kaitlyn, all the time. Seems the only solution was to drink but that was actually the problem. She didn't like how my friends looked at her or treated her and hell, I was blind to it by the whiskey in my hand and the death of my wife." Marv had a wise, sad look on his face. 

"What happened after you found out." Castiel wondered. He was concerned and curious. 

"Well took a night off of drinking and saw for myself. Gave them all hell on it and gave em the boot. From then on out it was pretty dang good. I feel like she trusted me again." Marv smiled but he had a sad look still. 

"What made you think she couldn't trust you?" Castiel should probably stop asking but it was hard. If the man didn't want to talk he would have stopped talking.

"Well she kept a lot of things from me. She thought I wouldn't approve of some of the stuff she'd do. One of them involved a girlfriend, Lacy." Marv looked amused at that.

It confused Castiel. "Is.. is there something wrong with that?" 

"Well.. There's a disagreement amongst people, half says it's alright, another half says it's wrong. Me? I don't give a shit. People thinks it's alright to justify all that it's wrong with the lord and that don't sit right with me. Marv says bitterly. "Didn't make a lick of sense why katy didn't want to tell me. Guess it's because guys who look like me tend to be on the side who say it's wrong."

Castiel nods. "What were the other things she kept from you?"

"Tattoos and piercings." Marv laughs. Castiel doesn't understand but he smiles anyways.

....

It bothered him that he didn't actually remember what Dean looked like. Hopefully Marv will help or something. They talked about some thing, then it became apparent to the older man that Castiel had actually lost his memory. He gave his advice about how to get it back, or dealing with it. Castiel could either go to someone that brings strong memories or affection, hit his head again or wait. Non of those things sounded like they would work but at least it wouldn't hurt to try. Well the hurting his head sounded like it would, so he's going to disregard that one.

It was a while before they reached their destination. And Dean made it easy to find him as well. They met at something called a Biggersons. The man was holding a sign that said 'I am Dean' on it and he was sitting on top of a car that was big and black and yet it was the most different car in the lot. When he looked at Dean a surge of "Familiar" just hit him. He obviously really knows this man.

The type of familiar that hits him is demanding he goes outside and wrap his arms around this man. He guesses he'll go in instinct, it's gotten him this far. 

Turning to Marv, Castiel says with sincerity, "I thank you so much for helping me." 

Marv smiles at him and sticks out his hand. Hesitantly, Castiel takes it, and Marv squeezes his hand, then lets go. The man nods and then Castiel exits the car.

"Hey, Cas." Dean greets him. Cas. That's the name in which Dean first called him. It makes sense, it's a shortened version of his name. A memory he guesses passes through his mind again. The sound of water, arms wrapped around him, a surge of affection at them. 

Castiel gulps, not knowing what to do with the memory. It's obvious the arms belonged to Dean otherwise the memory wouldn't have presented itself. Well instincts he guesses. Though he should have listened to that little voice tell him his next choice wasn't probably a good idea..

That choice was stomping to Dean and kissing him full on the mouth. It felt natural, the joining of lips. Other things to him seemed inadequate; who would brush there cheeks together or rub foreheads?The man before him froze and didn't react at all. Castiel leans back and smiles to himself. That was nice. 

Well until he was splashed with water. 

He sputters and spits. "What.. What was that for?" He asks, hurt seeping into his voice. This made Dean pause and his face then realizes his mistake. 

"That wasn't! ...ahh, I mean, that was nice, but I was just, checking, and that doesn't, you and I we..." Dean darts from one thing to another, Castiel just doesn't want to hear it. 

He lays a finger to Deans mouth and that gets him wide eyes, but quietness. He smiles softly and uses Deans shirt to wipe off the water. "Let's please just leave. I feel things for you, big swelling of.. emotions and I'd like to figure them out, yes?" 

Dean just nods, Castiel unaware just how stunned he is.

They get into the car and Castiel feels he is at home. It smells right and memories of him and Dean staring at each other pass. He cannot put a word to the things he feels but it all feels wonderful.

......

They get to a strange side of the road and Castiel follows to a door near the ground. How strange. When they walk through the door it's breath taking. There's an entire home here, it's amazing. "Is.. is this where you live?" There's awe in his voice, it's unmistakable and he should be embarrassed about that but it's hard.

"Yeah, this is also where you live. You know, if you want." Dean says not looking at him. 

Castiel nods uncertainly, "Well, if it is alright with you, I would enjoy staying here. Plus I don't believe I have anywhere else to stay ." 

Dean laughs at that and they descend the metal stairs. "Sammy, we're back!" 

They walked into an area with tables and papers sprawled out on them and suddenly a huge man looking like he just went through.. the.. plague. Thoughts of a dark sky, people looking like they're dying left and right pass through his head. 

Castiel doesn't realize he stopped until he feels a hand on his shoulder and Dean asks, "Cas, you alright?" 

Castiel nods and gives a small smile, "Yes. I apologize, I seemed to be having a flash of memory. It's happened about 3 times. Now. I think." This earns wide eyes from both men. 

"You've had memory flashes?" The giant asks earnestly. 

"Yes..?" Castiel answers uncertainly. 

"That's great, right? That has to mean something?" The guy starts for the shelf of books but Dean puts a hand on his shoulder, "Hey, give it rest for a bit, we just got back, you need to go to bed. You can analyze this later."

The man huffs and pats Castiel on the back, "It's good to have you back man." 

Castiel nods and looks up to him, "So.. Are you.. Crowley?" 

That punches a laugh from both men. "Nah, Cas, that's Sam. He's my brother." 

Sam smiles at him and leaves. It's just the two of them again. "So did you remember anything about me?" Dean asks suddenly. 

"Yes. I remembered a place where we were both outside I think. You put your arms around me, it was a pleasant memory. I also remembered a man in a chair with wheels on it. Marv looked like him. It's a bit frustrating not being able to put a name to the face." 

Dean has sad look in his eyes at that. "That would be Bobby.. he uh... passed a while ago." 

Castiel feels a swell of sadness. "I'm very sorry.." but Dean waves him off. 

"It's in the past. He's in a.. Well. Hopefully he's happy, wherever he is." Dean smiles. "Did.. you said that. You um felt.. I probably shouldn't ask but.. um what would you say you feel towards me?" Dean says carefully. 

They sit at the table and Castiel actually thinks about it. When he looks at Dean, he swells with affection and longing and loyalty and frustration and fondness and too many emotions. 

"Well.. I don't dislike you. Nothing really negative besides frustration.. there's a word I'm looking for but I don't exactly know how to put it. Like when I was sitting in the car with Marv, I felt appreciation and happiness for him helping me. But when I'm near you I feel.. Safe and really happy. Like I really just.." he trails off looking for the right word. 

"Love me.." Dean finishes, staring at the table with wide eyes. 

Castiel smiles, "Yes.. Yes I suppose that's what it could be." 

It happens really fast, one minute Dean is across the table and the next he's right in front of Castiel, cupping his face and smashing their lips together. It feels right, so he presses back. 

After a hand full of seconds, Dean pulls back and rests their foreheads together. "I um.. I probably shouldn't have done that. You're not exactly in your right mind.." he says quietly. 

"Why's that?" Castiel asks, confused. 

"I'm not going to take advantage of you while you're not all in there." Dean taps the side of his head. It makes sense but.. 

"There's why I'm frustrated I suppose. But I believe I understand. We should wait until I am at full memory." 

They sit like that for about 10 seconds. 

"One more?" 

"Thank god" 

And they're at it again. Dean kisses like a man starved, all passion and hunger. Some time in between, tongue was added and the experience was doubled. There was hair pulling and breathy huffs of air. A moan here and a bit to the lip there. 

"Ugh. Okay, I guess I'm happy you're back, but seriously. You just got back. Tone it down or get a room. And keep it down " another male walks past them. 

Dean back away slowly, a small smile and flushed cheeks grace his freckled face. He looks beautiful. 

"Maybe we should sleep." Dean says softly. Castiel nods because it would be wise. There is a reason Dean acted strangely to this. Maybe before his memory was lost, his love was a secret. For reasons why, he cannot fathom. The emotions he felt were rather overwhelming. When Dean moves to get up Castiel can't resist. He pulls in for one more kiss. 

It's sweet, soft, lazy and passionate, but not hungry. It's nice. 

Castiel pulls back this time and a small smile is on his lips, eyes drooping a bit. 

..... 

Castiel gets his own room to sleep in but not his own clothes. Or not yet, as Dean says. The clothes he wears are Deans and they smell of like him. 

He doesn't sleep for a while. His mind is too busy trying to sort things. Everything feels new and fresh. Maybe that's what happens with memory loss. Though he does hope he gets his memory back, he wants the history of him and Dean first hand. They could make new ones but that wouldn't be fair to Dean or Sam. 

Then there's the problem of what will he do when he gets his memories back? Will what happened between Dean and him be a shock? Will he be angry at himself? 

Castiel sighs and chastises himself. Dwelling on the future won't do a lick of good. He closes off his mind of logical thoughts and goes to sleep thinking of strong hands gripping at him and sure lips moving against his own.


	2. Chapter 2

It's irritating waking with two headaches in a row. But things feel different now. Castiel... Remembers. 

He remembers the casting of Lucifer, the arresting of Gadriel, the taint of the demons, the endless wars.. The end of the almost Apocalypse.. The murder of his brothers.. the constant running in Purgatory.. Dean Dean Dean Dean.. The Falling..

Yesterday..

Dread fills his stomach. Those confessions were never to be made, they will only make him weak. And how could Dean ever in his right mind ever want Castiel, he does not deserve that kindness. 

He swallows and pushes his face into the pillows. The push to leave, to cleanse his presence is urgent. Castiel shouldn't burden the brothers with his petty faults. 

The memory of Deans lips on his own flutter about his mind. When though about it, Castiel is in his own personal heaven, just like a human. 

But it cannot happen. 

Taking a deep breath, Castiel scrambles out of bed and heads for the door. Making his way to the entrance of the bunker is frustrating and he gets lost.  
When he does get to the front Dean is sitting at the table, drinking coffee, looking at the paper. At Castiels appearance, Dean looks up. "Cas." He breathes and stands up. "Are... Do you..?" Dean swallows.

Castiel looks down, "Yes. I remember. I'm.. I apologize but I have to leave." 

"What? Why?" Dean moves closer to him, hurt and confusion written on his face. 

"I'm sorry but.. I just.. I am weak with these feelings and I cannot burden you with them." Castiel still doesn't look at him.

"Cas.." Dean is right in front of him now, "Do you think I'm weak because I love you?" 

"What?" Castiels head shoots right up at that. 

"Yeah Cas. You heard me." Dean says softy, his arms reaching out to pull Castiel in close. 

"No.. I don't think you're weak. I just don't understand why you would." His answer is a bit muffled by Deans shirt in his face. 

"Cas.. fuck, I want you to stay. I cant.. It was so great yesterday, you telling me how you feel. This is chick flicky as hell but. Damn it just feels so good. Please stay Cas." Dean whispers. 

With a bit of confidence, Castiel looks up, cups the back of Deans neck and whispers back a yes before bringing their lips together again. It's soft at first and then when a hand is moved to Castiels lower back, it gets more hungry. 

Dean starts moving and soon they're against the wall. Well not a wall, it's a room because Dean opens in. They stumble and and then shirts are getting removed and Castiel didn't even notice that he was hard. Dean kisses at his neck and bites at his collar bone. Fingers weave into the short crop of blond hair and pull. Dean looks up, licks is plump red lips and moves to lave at his right nipple.

Panting, Castiels hand hand curves up Deans back and digs his nails in, which causes more groans. Hands tug on Castiels sweat pants, and they pool to his ankles. Dean gets to his knees and mouths at the tent in the white boxers. Loudly, Castiel moans and throws his head back, a hand darting out to pet Deans hair.

"Dean.. Please.." Castiel pleads. At that, Dean pulls down the waistband of the angels boxers and Castiels cock bobs upward. Dean kisses sharp hipbones, and looks up. 

"Cas.. Look at me." The hunter says softly. 

Blushing, the angel looks down at the beautiful sight before him. A whimper escapes his mouth, just before Dean licks at the head of his cock. It's a straining thing to keep his eyes open, the sensation of heat is overwhelming. 

A few minutes of Dean bobbing his head, taking in as much as he can, Castiel doesn't want to finish like this. Quickly, he gently tugs Dean off, making a slick pooping nose, and pulls him to his feet. Wasting no time, Castiel connects their mouths in a wet hungry kiss. It's odd, but not disturbing to taste the salty tang of himself in Deans mouth. 

When they catch their breath, resting foreheads together, Castiel whispers, "I want you inside me." It earns him a chuckle from Dean, but he nods.

"I can do that. But we'll have to move out of the storage closet."

Glaring at the unsuitable room, Castiel nods and pulls up his boxers. Before he can even move to leave though, his world gets twisted upside down. He looks around and realizes that Dean threw him over his shoulder. 

"I didn't realize that you could carry someone of my weight." Castiel teases.

Dean snorts and smacks his ass, causing Cas to yelp. "That was uncalled for," Cas grouses. 

"Then don't be a sassy before I fuck you." Dean opens the door and quickly makes his way to his room.

"I recall you like it when I'm sassy." Cas smiles. 

They make it to the room and Castiel is thrown onto the bed. Immediately Dean latches himself back onto the neck presented and starts removing clothes again. In a short time, Cas has gained 3 hickeys up his neck and pectoral and both of them are divested of their clothes. 

"I don't want - oh- rush you, but - shit," Cas cursing is the hottest thing ever in Deans book,"hurry up." Cas finishes then lets out a moan at a bite to his right nipple.

Dean moves to kiss sloppily at his, lover? Boyfriend? Worry about that later, and mumbles, "Impatient," against his lips. None the less he reaches over his nightstand and grabs for his small bottle of lube. He spreads Cas' legs apart and kisses his knees and thighs and works his way down.

Slowly he works his fingers into Cas' entrance and opens him up. Dean tries not to rush but it's hard when Cas starts to make little noises and moving on his fingers, fucking himself on them. 

When Dean has 3 fingers in him, Castiel gives a little whine of frustration and growls, "Dean, please, I'm good, get in me." Which all but snaps Dean at attention. Gently, he eases his fingers out, gaining a whimper of loss from Cas, and he moves to line himself up. Carefully as possible, Dean pushes his way into the man before him until he bottoms out. Both of them let out a moan in unison and Dean starts moving. Cas' legs wrap around him and Deans hands lock with Cas' hands and they both meet for a kiss. Well it was suppose to be a kiss but its more or so them sharing breath and panting but still brushing each others lips occasionally. THe pace starts to pick up and now they're both rushing to the finish line, not bothering to prolong it because well. 5 years of want was coursing through them. 

At a certain whine, Dean realized Cas hadn't been touched throughout this. Fervently, Dean gripped his cock and started jacking him with quick and satisfying pulls. His hips began to stutter on its fast pace and Dean could feel the final shocks of an upcoming orgasm and Castiel was close as well. 

A few more tugs at Cas' cock and a few more deep thrusts, they both came, eliciting noises that would make them blush hard if they were in a state of caring. 

Panting hard, they both came down from their highs and Dean slid out slowly, but Cas still winced at the loss. Dean moved to the side of the bed to grab at a shirt and wiped them both off of drying come then laid down next to his friend. 

Cas smiled at him and sighed, "Years of not having that, I wonder how I'm still alive." 

Dean snorted and started laughing at the dark humor of that, "Cas, over the past couple years, we BOTH have died, still not having this." 

"Well then, I hope this time it'll be a few yews until we do. I'd like to do it again." Cas snuggled into his side, still smiling. 

Dean should frown at that, look at the down side of 'yeah, they could die tomorrow' but its drowned out by the fact that Cas really wants this. He smiles and wraps his arms around the snuggling warmth that's trying to burrow more. 

There's still a shit ton they need to talk about. 

But that can wait a few lazy hours later, when Cas isn't trying to be the cutest thing ever. And that is certainly the weirdest thing Dean has ever thought. 

Though, he's not complaining.


End file.
